ɥɐɹɐs

2011-12-12T23:24:00.001-07:00

i'm extra over the top crazy in love with my Mr. Gabrielson today

2011-12-12T21:25:00.002-07:00

calorie counting- the never ending game of golf.

2011-12-12T21:22:00.000-07:00

goal: get up at open mic night before 2012 starts

karmin

2011-12-12T21:12:00.000-07:00

love her face, such charisma
makes me want to be a lady rapper

The Royal Tenenbaums

2011-12-11T19:07:00.000-07:00

chris showed this to me,

i looovveeee it

love love

2011-12-11T18:49:00.001-07:00

2011-12-02T00:22:00.001-07:00

marriage is sensational

:)

cryin

2011-11-16T19:25:00.001-07:00

i have erupted into tears 3 times today.

1st incident- Earlier today while we were in the kitchen making some kale chips
Chris got a pitcher out of a very high cupboard and the lid fell off and hit me right on the head- i started crying.

2nd incident- around 7:38 i remembered what had been bothering me all evening. What goes down on wednesday evenings? i teach yoga. FAIL. Once i realized I didn't show up for my class 38 minutes ago- i started crying.

3rd incident- I was standing by our shelves picking out a pair of earings and i sneezed. The momentum of the sneeze made my head thrust forward right into the edge of a shelf and cut it open- i started crying.

chris held me and loved me better until i stopped crying each time.
i love him.

7/10/11

2011-11-01T15:39:00.001-06:00

I wrote this while me and my husband were dating and just dug it out of the drafts, it's sweet. cheesy-yes, but sweet.

he witnesses and accepts more like a god than a man.
when he stands looking into me and says he loves me, he's saying he's loved all i've been, all i am, and all i will be.

1983 Dodge 400

2011-09-19T17:04:00.000-06:00

i didn't get any pictures of the car i've been cruising around in before it blew another head gasket! i was feeling heartbroken about not having any photographic remembrance of it

but then my dear husband-to-be (5 days!!!) pulled up a youtube video taken the night he bought it. He won it $411 on ebay. We named it lazarus, it always comes back from the dead.. so i'm still hoping it's not gone forever.

i think this car runs on wishes, every time you start the car it's 11:10 on the clock (which in this car has the title chronometer) so in one minute, no matter the time of day, it'll be 11:11- and then you can wish for it to keep functioning. (as long as it can make it through the first 60 seconds)

2011-08-15T16:03:00.002-06:00

i'm very, very in love

pardon

2011-07-29T16:22:00.001-06:00

hi.
I've had to make quite a push lately to get myself to converse.
sorry dear friends, family, who i seem to blatantly ignore.
please be patient with me.
i don't want to explain nor defend my emotional state and the consequential quietness.
please, be understanding of something i'm not even explaining.

2011-07-11T00:53:00.000-06:00

completely, perfectly, and incandescently happy.

2011-06-21T20:59:00.001-06:00

"it may be unfair, but what happens in a few days, sometimes even a single day, can change the course of a whole lifetime..."
--khaled hosseini (the kite runner)

think of how subtle the moments that pivoted you towards your present reality were, or think about how absolutely significant they seemed. think about yesterday, today, tomorrow and right now, and how much potential exists in each present moment.

i feel retrospective, prospective, and like I have a realistic perspective on my present reality, all at once.

2011-06-21T20:41:00.004-06:00

i know my audience. i know, at least partially, who reads this.. and it just wouldn't seem relevant to tell all of you some of what's happening in my life. although i'd like to.. the consequence of doing so is out of my control, so that's my explanation for the prolonged silence and the partial continuation of silence.
i'll tell you that
summer is my favorite season, even though my car burnt my legs today with the intensity of a curling iron. (exaggeration)

each time i teach yoga or practice yoga i get reaffirmed that yes, this is what i want. not just what i want, need- the absence is uncomfortably noticeable. it's so much more than most realize, after a good session your fingertips tingle, you're refreshed and filled with this vigor and joy- flying high, feeling alive.
because i value it, when i teach it i feel as if i'm sharing a valuable gift.
i'm getting such a rewarding response from my students :)

i'm growing (not in stature :) ), but as a grounded individual. forming, thinking, talking, experiencing.. my vocabulary is getting larger! i have this word obsession. i had the biggest crush on my English teacher last semester, could listen to him talk allll day, not a care concerning his age, stature, or personality.. just a deep admiration for his diction and vocabulary.

i'm quite happy, sincerely. even right now, thinking about my set up- my home, work, this city, the outdoors, my travels, my family and my friends, music, what i'm going to create in this world, i'm flooded with gratitude. i have it damn good :)

the only sadness i can pinpoint having gotten to me lately is noticing this trail of hurt i'm leaving, in certain individuals, that i care about. and i feel helpless to fix it.
it's heart breaking for me. i wanted to help, uplift, be like a lighthouse (hence the blog title and becoming a yoga instructor) but somehow, sometimes, i do the opposite- good intentions turning on me. i don't want to be pretentious, saying i have much leverage to hurt to begin with.. but i still feel rotten, for anyone i couldn't be there for. maybe it's best to disappear instead of linger, even though I've always been a fan of maintaining friendships, i suppose sometimes that has gotten me into trouble.
i feel inadequate some days.

but that's not the note i wanted to leave on

i've been realizing my divinity and potential
dreaming up goals again, delighting in details (i made it out of my post-trip depression quickly)
it seems that mostly, my life has this plethora of all things good.

oh heavens, i'm such a rambler.
maybe at some point i'll post another piece of polished writing :)
if i follow your blog, please know that i read nearly every post and learn so much through you. i love blogging, this network of shared thoughts, experiences, music, and art. thank you everybody :)

2011-06-07T17:58:00.002-06:00

i like to ride my bicycle everywhere i go,
gas being unaffordable is actually a favor
so thank you, finances and economy.
i like to sit in antique stores for 2.5 hours
and try on feather hats from the 30's, hold cameras from the 20's, and pretend to smoke pipes from the 70's.
i like to walk all over this town in loose floral print dresses.
i like today

2011-06-05T11:27:00.003-06:00

provo and st. george should merge into one glorious city.

post trip depression

2011-06-04T11:44:00.000-06:00

similar to post christmas depression.
last night i sat on my bed feeling unmotivated and unenthused.
what am i looking forward to? nothing
nothing that i could think of put any spirit into my heart, color into my mind set.
the realization that i do not have much of a social life has been seeping in. i spent the last three weeks with very few moments of solitude. my life wasn't much different before the trip, but now i see how comfortable i was with solitude, and now after the trip, i feel emptiness. i like independence, i feel claustrophobic without that time with just myself. but where did i cross over into anti social, lonely, and incapable of socializing? worse, the thought of being with people is unappetizing, the thought of being alone is unappetizing.
i have a unshakable fear of obesity. i imagine every not obese person fears it, and every obese person hates it. the scale last night, did not lift my mood. at all. sad to admit. I would rather pretend to be completely careless on the subject. but the thought of inches between be and reality is repulsive, the thought of loosing mobility, strength, vigor, and health is depressing. last night fear was predominent, but this morning i feel different.
i changed my drive from fear to desire. i desire what i fear losing, but to raise the quality of my life i'll act out of a desire instead of a fear.
sleeping does wonders.
gratitude found its way back in, i went to europe.
i experienced the world rich with details
and i brought that significant, detail enriching quality of life back with me
like for breakfast i had blueberries with raw goat cheese
and lemon ginger tea with raw honey.
i found a humming bird in my car, a good omen hm?
i did yoga in a beautiful studio, (where i am now employed)
i'm about to plant a garden.
and thinking about it, my social life hasn't run as dry as it felt like last night. i know this nice boy. i have this wonderful family. i have dear, real friends, and a cell phone to minimize how far away they actually are. there's plenty of people in this city, and my acquaintances are cool ones. the friends i made on the trip don't just vanish because the trip is over, i made a step in the right direction.
"oh pickle! we're about to start gardening!" pickle is my name in the house i currently live in. and elijah is calling me, this post is unedited and ramble style. i'll post anyways, if i don't push the publish post button now i know i never will. blogging has been hard lately, possibly because i feel the need for perfection, but i need to say something. so here is me, last night and this morning, imperfect and learning

2011-05-19T15:24:00.000-06:00

Im sitting outside a hotel in italy. Its wonderful here. Im on tessa,this wonderful british ladys, ipad. Its late at night and theres adorable street lights, cobble stone, balconies with flower pots, and shutters on windows. were chatting and laughing. Im way enjoying myself. I miss everyone.. But leaving will be hard :) st george might not hold the same contentment it did before. Florence tomorrow! The world is so much more,so different. I cant find the apostrophe key ha. Ciao

2011-05-14T19:38:00.002-06:00

i met the monopoly man on fleet street today (mustache included) i took his picture.
i walked on abbey road! i went to see wicked, i saw big ben and the tower of london, as well as the london bridge.
i ate fish and chips, i saw the changing of the gaurd,
road the "tube" shared my yogurt with a nice boy from Denmark on the plane ride. ah :) such a lovely lovely place. the river thames is outside my window in this hotel and there's lights reflected in the water and the moon.
did you know over 300 languages are spoken in london? and that the bombing that took place here during World war two killed enough to be equivelant to 7 9/11's in a row? oh my
this place is marvelous
history piled everywhere.
sherlock holmes dorian grey and charles dickens (passed by bakers street!)
oh i love it.
going to france tomorrow

2011-05-09T17:31:00.000-06:00

i found this charming pair of shoes here

but they don't make them small enough for me. and the closest size up is out of stock.

cussidycusscussincuss. i want them

2011-05-03T23:19:00.000-06:00

i am pleased to inform you that i own this guitar

2011-05-03T12:01:00.001-06:00

tuesday mornings at work have this wholesome, old time farmers market appeal.
the truck delivers, we set the colorful fruits and vegetables out, and all our regulars show up for first pick.

i simply love being involved in this, i want a garden.

2011-05-03T11:00:00.005-06:00

how possible some things are,
i didn't realize until i actually did them.
st. louis, british columbia,
9 days until europe. (excited x 44)
i have my next adventure in sight
i want to go spend a month in california studying at the ashtanga yoga center.

car- check
money- i have a job, so potentially, check
$160 + $camping space + $food + $gas = ?
camping equipment- check
adventurous and good company- hey, mom? or somebody interested in further emerging themselves in the ashtanga practice, whom likes camping and beaches
time off- could be tricky
what am i overlooking? i rarely know what i'm doing, i just proceed

this is an exploratory expedition
if i like it, stay 6 months to a year later in life, when i have less obligations, lots of money saved, and i can devote that kind of time to developing practice on that level. i want to achieve intermediate series, that'd be wild. primary series is still rather daunting though. i wish i had a community down here to practice it with. i miss 3B daily.

delightful news-
the lovely Jessamy (owner of sage hills yoga) told me over tea this morning that she's looking for someone to take over two classes at her studio
could i start june 1st?
dream come true.

2011-05-01T03:05:00.001-06:00

i'm becoming obsessed with the idea of efficiency.
efficiently use time
efficiently use money
time=money.
maximizing the experiences, knowledge, everything you get out of life.

spend less time to earn more money, money goes further- have more time,

time enriched by money for essential and good resources.
study materials that are dense
have experiences that are meaningful
ladedadeda

money is such a distant, out there, intangible, misunderstood, philosophical, odd thing, and it runs our lives.
gold (a metal) to paper (comes from trees) to numbers floating around in a technological void. it's in the account, the sliding of a plastic card (comes from oil) and the numbers are deducted, until there is nothing. the hours of my life i spend clocked in equate to how big the number is in my bank account.

use that money foolishly

and my life is foolish.

it is wonderful, that i get much more than a paycheck out of my job.
i feel that i am being the difference i wish to see in the world, in a way.
the people i work for enrich lives by providing healthy, organic, whole, raw, nutrient dense, (we try for) locally produced, foods. food's the fuel, put high quality food in and feel invigorated and alive.
i'm spreading longevity and joy :) in my small way. if you do not have your health, what else do you have? what enjoyment does that not affect?
essentially, your body creates more of you out of what you eat, if what you eat is lacking in crucial nutrients, how is it expected to function at its best?
my mind set has shifted, from skimping or thoughtlessness,
to getting the most benefits out of each calorie. (efficiently using calories aha)

i value and enjoy healthy food.
i learn at my job, something infinitely more valuable than money. customers and books and experience and coworkers, they teach me daily. a health food store, and not just any health food store, real foods market, it's the perfect place for me at this time. i am happy.

2011-05-01T02:26:00.001-06:00

in 12 days i will turn 19 and go to england. and i will be happy, fashionable, at peace, and healthy. this semester will be over.
and i will
take many lovely photographs like the ones here

2011-05-01T00:42:00.000-06:00

liftpullflopliftpullflopliftpullflopliftpullflop

(bless you, if you do know what i am referring to)

2011-04-28T12:31:00.000-06:00

When i go sequential nights with little or no sleep, I am a basket case.
as my mother just witnessed on the phone.

Sea of Love

2011-04-27T01:40:00.000-06:00

2011-04-27T01:12:00.004-06:00

my friend and i frequently venture to this surreal, lovely, inspiring place.

we lose track of time, and lay in the sun.

we climb around barefoot

both equipped with cameras.

i way like it here

2011-04-27T00:47:00.002-06:00

i am probably like, the worst procrastinator in thee worrrld.
maybe not the absolute 100% worst
but close, contesting for the position.

while driving home from work today, i contemplated
am i my body
the general accepted thought includes a soul and a body, but a general accepted theory also includes no afterlife. contrary?
why do i feel that this body, the only proof of my life, this body that i experience everything through, is not actually, me.

also recently, driving home from work
i observed a wonderful human being driving a scooter in front of me.
shirt and tie attire, waving at everyone as if he were in a parade.
and then, he put on head phones.
picture a man doing a dance similar to this
while sitting on a scooter, driving down the road.
ahaha. i took a photo on my cell phone. but i don't know how to get in on here.

2011-04-24T21:09:00.000-06:00

2011-04-24T19:46:00.000-06:00

I miss everything that has been and will be
can't seem to grasp reality.
my mood nearly always reflects the weather
this desert is an awfully rainy one.
it's depressing, spending a holiday without the family,
knowing i'm the only one absent.
it's hard without my darling, dear friends, the real ones.
i do like the roses outside my window though, the long pink curtains, rain drops and wind, and the rays of sunshine spilling in from the west.

ohh left my car windows down. cuss.

2011-04-19T10:18:00.002-06:00

i'm curious concerning everyones opinion on automatic starting playlists vs. having to go turn it on, or no playlist at all. sometimes it's obnoxious when somebody's playlist bombards your silence or your already playing music.. and other times it is the most pleasant of surprises. i like playlists, that i'm sure of. blogging is the sharing of everything that's good, interesting, sincere, genuine, raw, inspiring
music counts, of course.
but um.
opinions?

2011-04-19T09:51:00.002-06:00

normally, i would have slept a large portion of the last 13.5 hours,

i didn't sleep

I went to open mic night at bean scene

then a nice boy and I listened to music, made music, did yoga, and watched a lightening storm

after, I came home and finished up a lengthy paper on my stay at Krishna's Lotus Temple

Then when seeing the beginnings of the sunrise come through my curtains I decided to go out and photograph it

and since i was already out i stopped by rachels (delicious).

Now though, i have to face school and work, sleep deprived.

but, i have the Most Wonderful job,

my manager called me yesterday to check when I'd like to schedule a massage at a spa and if i'd like to dine out with her, and two other associates, company covered.

um, yes?

goodness sakes yes.

i quite like my life

people- pack each day with

what you love.

2011-04-17T22:43:00.001-06:00

the size of my vocabulary significantly decreases when i am nervous.

2011-04-10T14:11:00.001-06:00

this boy has class, truly

4.26.11-
his advice concerning not-gentlemen
"Write 'get a brain' backwards on the inside of your hand and slap them in the face for me."

2011-04-10T13:48:00.003-06:00

i want to lessen the gap between what i think i should be doing and what i am doing,
at all times and in all aspects.

2011-04-10T00:31:00.000-06:00

i hold the pen. i write the story.
i'm not pleased with what i've been writing.

i want to be good, i want to be lovely.

considering how influential those you spend your days with are,

i need to spend my days with happy, inspiring people-
that's what will lead to better chapters.

2011-04-10T00:26:00.000-06:00

Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.

- Samuel Johnson

2011-04-07T00:04:00.000-06:00

when I'm laying awake in my bed at night

i entertain myself by taking out of focus pictures of cars driving by my window.

Holi. Festival of Colors. 2011

2011-04-06T23:16:00.005-06:00

"caste, color, race, sex, or social status; all these petty differences are temporarily relegated to the background and people give into an unalloyed colorful rebellion." -Subhamoy Das

last year i stayed outside amidst the crowds at the festival, I had fun. Delighted in the new, unusual experience. got colored, crowd surfed, chanted.

This year I went inside. I heard music seeping down from upstairs so I took my shoes off, and climbed up to the lotus adorned temple room. The kirtan band consisted of a man and his daughter (that I met when I stayed at the temple for a retreat) and a few other men. They had kartals, a harmonium, drums, and a guitar. Sanskrit Mantras were repeated, harmoniously swelling and building off each other. raw, soulful, and overwhelming. I would sit rocking back and forth the sound filling me and all around me, taking over. We'd dance and dance, almost a child like dance, no tinge of provocativeness, none of what the world has begun to constrict dancing to. the marble floor had my bare feet aching by the time we stopped. I'd sing and chant until my voice had nothing left in it. I felt unbelievably happy there, and part of something good. At one point the band came out on the floor and joined in the dancing. Someone held the microphone to my mouth and I led the chant :) The crowd inside was large enough to make it wild, but small enough to make it intimate. the guitar playing was intricate and beautiful, voices harmonizing, harmonica weaving, it all left me in awe. Live music is incomparable to speakers playing a recording, you can physically feel it. The atmosphere it creates moves you differently. I wondered the meaning of the words I chanted so I did some research.

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna

Krishna Krishna Hare Hare

Hare Rama Hare Rama

Rama Rama Hare Hare

is the mantra you'll commonly hear at the festival

and it means

"O lord, take away all my sorrows, pains and shortcomings and give me bliss and joy"

we all come from different backgrounds, and for one day
we have the same coloring

move and dance together

and repeat the same universal prayer.
i like that

also, read this article

i liked this line from it-

"this festival is about nothing other than enhancing your relationship with God and enhancing your relationship with other human beings"

2011-03-22T03:27:00.003-06:00

sleepless

reckless

procrastinating

college

life

for mee

stress < calm = nonsensical

2011-03-16T02:38:00.001-06:00

It is commendable to approach choosing a side of the fence with caution. You will find that both sides have good reasons and facts, so, you have a choice of which reasons and facts you want to value. This may seem a vague, idealistic thing to say but Faith is choosing to believe in something, it is not a perfect knowledge. When you apply that to something not quite as controversial as religion but still as controversial as buying organic it's simpler to see. I value supporting my community, having a well off economy, keeping my body healthy, and taking care of the environment, but the facts and research will never give me a clear answer on the perfect way to do that. We are people and we are imperfect, corruption is rampant, but so is the clean desire to spread wellness and peace. Money, greed, and ignorance all taint the research and the established systems, but I won't use that as an excuse to dismiss the ideals that provoked me to act. Unsurity should not be an excuse for laziness. Finding this lack of black and white choices brings the danger that you'll lose the motivation to act in either direction, and possibly, failure to act is the most dangerous outcome of all. GMOs could ease world hunger, but there are incalculable risks involved. The USDA labeling system seems to be corrupt but it still insures a certain amount of quality, buying out of season fruit is a fine luxury to be enjoyed, but buying local helps your community, the economy, and the environment. I could look at those conflicting ideals and throw my hands up in the air, bury my face in the sand, and choose ignorance, or i could act according to my knowledge. Choose to have faith, and although my knowledge is imperfect, follow through on that faith with action.
This concept has been predominant in nearly every aspect of my life lately. trying to write it as it applies to some of those aspects is overwhelming, but i feel appeased enough to fall asleep having covered this topic.

crave-

2011-03-12T21:24:00.002-07:00

i feel "typical" for liking this song so deliriously much.

daily dose of sunlight

2011-03-12T21:11:00.001-07:00

3 cheers for spring

"you have an inversion addiction"

2011-03-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

Dan informed me. I thought it a good label for my impulsive need to be upside down. Today I felt dysfunctional and brain dead, lack of sleep catching up to me I'm sure, but after yoga and a quick inversion I'm not just functioning, I'm writing. Inspiration lays wait in my feet and it takes an inversion to drain it to my head. Or maybe (more likely) it's a blood rush. something about it is addictive.

can't you imagine an addiction recovery group
"hello i'm sarah" "hi sarah" "my last headstand was..."
but no, i'm very fond of certain addictions. they aren't just good habits, they are good addictions. I've read about numerous benefits.

2011-03-08T00:51:00.000-07:00

my good friend asks me to marry him (on average) weekly
and it is So refreshing in a world were boys just want a kiss.
the last two fellows i have kissed have made it clear afterwards that they are more than open to me dating other people, even encourage it.
forgive me, but,
assholes.
If you want a kiss from me, you should want what it entails.

my good friend doesn't mean it literally, but as far as I understand him, It's a compliment meaning there are things about me he'd like to be present in his future wife.
I want a chivalrous gentleman. i want romance. but i do not need either. i am so content to go without the rubbish and wait for what is truly good.

2011-02-24T20:20:00.000-07:00

"He never realized that people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of."
-The Alchemist

I hope for that to never be my pit fall, to never see my dreams realized, to never consider the possibility. I will put in my best effort to not settle, but to do what is I want to do.

"It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting"
-(also) The Alchemist

that book is teaching me.

books are neat like that.

2011-02-24T20:04:00.002-07:00

rebellion is innovative.

2011-02-24T19:59:00.000-07:00

i want to experience something so magnificent it shakes the existence of fear from me.

2011-02-22T03:34:00.015-07:00

"You are a wonderful creation. You know more than you think you know, just as you know less than you want to know."

-The Picture of Dorian Gray

“The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: Be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge."

-Elbert Hubbard

“Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.”

-Confucius

“Fear always springs from ignorance”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Day by day I am more aware of, and absolutely overwhelmed by, the immense room there is for personal betterment.

fixation

2011-02-22T02:58:00.000-07:00

choice song

2011-02-22T02:36:00.002-07:00

2011-02-17T22:30:00.000-07:00

momentarily crossing paths felt nice
I'm better for it
but for how momentary it was i shouldn't feel this magnitude of sinking in my chest.
i'm out

bye #9

2011-02-16T01:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Future Husband,

I bought you a tie.

love,

sarah

2011-02-15T10:08:00.001-07:00

I woke up with the strongest urge to learn another language.
i will learn another language.
but which one?

2011-02-14T23:45:00.003-07:00

This valentines day has been incredibly good. I set my expectation real low because I assumed last years was so lovely it couldn't be trumped. I have been flabbergasted. Last years Valentines Day was exceptional due to a thoughtful boyfriend. This years is exceptional due to a thoughtful public.
-A nice boy bought me flowers and a smoothie.
-I discovered a letter tucked in my windshield wiper.
In the envelope a small note said-
Sarah
Thank you for your great smile! I hope you have a great day!
with a

$20 and a $5

thank you anonymous giver. I sincerely appreciate your thoughtfulness.

-A health food store in the area called my father (their dedicated shopper and advocate up at the provo store) and said Oh hello doesn't your daughter that's going to school down here need a job? My talk with them went a little better than smooth and my hopes are high.

-I had planned a date with a good book and felt completely content with the idea but then 3 gentlemen asked me out within a few minutes. it was shocking and overwhelming. No plans then too many plans, but joe asked first and I had a wonderful night with him. Sushi was involved.
I can remember when in my mind, not too long ago really, my outlook was so grim. My perception was gray and life felt weighted. Thinking everything would be okay felt implausible and cliche. Everything was okay. Today I'm more aware of that. I can recall feeling that way and I can recall feeling this way and it is a comforting realization that undoubtedly i will feel both ways again. I don't fear experiencing heart break because my heart will be filled with gratitude again and again. Gratitude for small things like sunshine and Elvis Presley and gratitude for enormous things like the support and love of my family; gratitude for all the opportunity I have. Gratitude for the people who choose to share their time and selves with me.
I am happy. i'm grateful. i'm content.
thank you, everyone that has come together and helped me. It took the potency of blessings today to show my sometimes oblivious mind how truly good my life is.
"When each day is the same as the next, it's because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises."
-The Alchemist (the book i had scheduled a date with)

2011-02-14T00:40:00.000-07:00

i am content.

2011-02-13T21:01:00.002-07:00

I way enjoy the company of my new friend. I suppose new friend isn't an adequate description anymore. To quote Anne (from Anne of Green Gables) Kara and I are

kindred spirits.

a thoughtful existence

2011-02-13T20:24:00.003-07:00

yesterday morning my existence was simple, deliberate, thoughtful, and entirely for my enjoyment.
I woke up slowly, falling in and out of good dreams until my eyes preferred being open to closed. I felt the warmth of the sunshine coming through the curtains on my cheek. I laid until laying was no longer desirable. I stretched. I sipped tea.
I found this tea cup at a beloved antique store. i sift through all the stuff in that place for hours.

Everything about yesterday morning was so aesthetically pleasing, I had to take a picture.

“Forests, lakes, and rivers, clouds and winds, stars and flowers, stupendous glaciers and crystal snowflakes - every form of animate or inanimate existence, leaves its impress upon the soul of man.”

Orison Swett Marden

take time to wonder and delight in the insignificant marvels that somehow add significance to seemingly insignificant mornings.

such as sipping sweet warmth from a pretty old tea cup.

i'm growing wings.

2011-02-01T17:26:00.000-07:00

standing on the brink of change contemplating the jump.
i won't lie to myself, the jump is inevitable.
my perspective has been altered to the point that faults are impossible to ignore.
so wish me luck.
no, wish me more than luck.
wish me courage
wish me faith
wish me humility and optimism.
i want finding god to be a joyous discovery.

I'm a fool.

2011-01-28T12:04:00.002-07:00

penniless

and

in every aspect of life i feel that i am in far above my head.

so,
i am off to explore my new red rock filled parks.

the great outdoors is somewhere we can all feel equally in over our heads.

anonymous pleasantry

2011-01-26T16:26:00.001-07:00

me: what is the last day you can drop classes at dixie state college this semester?
cha cha: final exams will be april 24-30. Graduation is the 1st of may.
me: no dummy. the last day i can drop a class.
cha cha: what a gr8 Q!
feb 1 is the last day.
me: thank you. sorry for callin you dumb.
cha cha: it's alright! we appreciate your courtesy.

haha.

2011-01-24T05:24:00.001-07:00

hmm.

simple prayer.

2011-01-24T05:15:00.002-07:00

help me to see life in full color

[not my photography]

2011-01-18T21:59:00.001-07:00

2011-01-18T21:02:00.004-07:00

[my photography]

I've been noticing, my eyes have shallow depth of field
much like these photographs.

2011-01-17T21:26:00.002-07:00

i'd like to paint you a picture with the words stirring around in my head.

warmth. unique. smiles. new found- friends, family. hope. promise. new. new. new. strange. guitar strings. laugh. antiques. unfamiliar. accepted. curious. fancy. raw. beautiful. red red rocks. brilliant sunshine. retro. genuine. palm trees. scribble. honest. young blue eyes. old blue eyes. ruby red slippers. helpful. old photographs. lens view. cruising music. live music. new home. not home. missing. sing sing sing. a weight on my chest. bravery. pivotal. astonishment. love. books. and pens. i can tell that we are gonna be friends.

oops. a song spilled out there, at the end of my word vomit.
is there a more appealing word than vomit? what else could describe the rushed transfer of words, from my head, onto this page?

2011-01-17T21:06:00.001-07:00

When i lost my usual company, i got caught with only the company of myself.
and
I found i like it; a very comforting find.
my wild thought processes and spontaneous actions fill my days with adventure.
oh! i just had an epiphany. lya wrote a post about sharing who you are with people. I can't say it clever like her so you should just go see.
Now, here's the thought i just came across-
i supremely enjoy the company of my friends. maybe i enjoy my own company because i, while being uniquely me, am also a product of my friends. Every wonderful thing about them, I try to learn from. I try to let my inspiring friends leave me inspired. I could sit for a long while and write all their qualities that i strive for (so don't feel bad if you aren't mentioned, i don't have a long while).
cola- caring, crazy. lya- witty, thoughtful. saria- genuine, accepting, fun. alicia- capable, smart. jenna- selfless. adam- determined. daniel- unedited, musical. mother- supportive. becky- light filled. mike- compassionate.

ah. i should stop. i'm feeling overwhelmed.

it's a good overwhelmed i think. Yes, all these wonderful people are intimidating. But i'm happy they share their lives with me. I'd like to 100% let go of insecurities and just bask in their light. Who gives a (forgive me) damn if it's brighter. hm?
giving me your time, being raw and real with me, teaching and inspiring me, loving me, has enriched my life.
thank you thank you thank you people who have shared their lives with me.
i'm happy.

you have prepared me for college and moving out and growing up.

enjoying my own company reminded me of a poem that, in fact, designed my current journey.

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Derek Walcott

this is the second time i have put this poem on my blog.

the way some people say things rocks my world.

While sitting at the book store cruising through works of art, word art that is,

i stumbling across this poem. It was pivotal, a pivotal moment in my life.

a deep realization.

anyways, I have been rambling on for a while now and i do have homework.

so goodnight.

2011-01-11T00:40:00.000-07:00

which faces will become more than just faces

today i sat and observed a campus filled with strangers.

so odd

a goal of mine was to go to days market and not see someone i know. and it never happened.

curiosity pulsed through my system like blood, each face being a heart beat.

people watching is almost torturous for me.

i'm shy. no lie

but i want every name, every story.

i wonder which ones i'll get.

out of all these faces who is going to share their story with me, ask for mine. and then have part of our stories intertwine.

which faces will i see

behind my eyelids

in bed at night.

wisdom teeth.

2011-01-05T18:55:00.002-07:00

deflate face, deflate.
i beg of you

hear every word

2011-01-02T14:26:00.003-07:00

cola and i went walking all through provo one day.

and to stop to examine the most common of things

was delightful

we were happy to have cameras.

[click play]
[oh, but stop the music at the bottom of my blog first]
and sing along. if you please.

For the beauty of the earth
For the beauty of the skies,
For the love which from our birth

Over and around us lies.