I'm a fool.

penniless

and

  in every aspect of life i feel that i am in far above my head.

so, 
i am off to explore my new red rock filled parks.

the great outdoors is somewhere we can all feel equally in over our heads.  

anonymous pleasantry

me: what is the last day you can drop classes at dixie state college this semester?
cha cha: final exams will be april 24-30. Graduation is the 1st of may.
me: no dummy. the last day i can drop a class.
cha cha: what a gr8 Q!
feb 1 is the last day.
me: thank you. sorry for callin you dumb.
cha cha: it's alright! we appreciate your courtesy.

haha.

hmm.             

simple prayer.

help me to see life in full color

[not my photography]

[my photography]

I've been noticing, my eyes have shallow depth of field
much like these photographs.

i'd like to paint you a picture with the words stirring around in my head. 

warmth. unique. smiles. new found- friends, family. hope. promise. new. new. new. strange. guitar strings. laugh. antiques. unfamiliar. accepted. curious. fancy. raw. beautiful. red red rocks. brilliant sunshine. retro. genuine. palm trees. scribble. honest. young blue eyes. old blue eyes. ruby red slippers. helpful. old photographs. lens view. cruising music. live music. new home. not home. missing. sing sing sing. a weight on my chest. bravery. pivotal. astonishment. love. books. and pens. i can tell that we are gonna be friends.

oops. a song spilled out there, at the end of my word vomit.
is there a more appealing word than vomit? what else could describe the rushed transfer of words, from my head, onto this page?

When i lost my usual company, i got caught with only the company of myself.
and
I found i like it; a very comforting find.
my wild thought processes and spontaneous actions fill my days with adventure.
oh! i just had an epiphany. lya wrote a post about sharing who you are with people. I can't say it clever like her so you should just go see.
Now, here's the thought i just came across-
i supremely enjoy the company of my friends. maybe i enjoy my own company because i, while being uniquely me, am also a product of my friends. Every wonderful thing about them, I try to learn from. I try to let my inspiring friends leave me inspired. I could sit for a long while and write all their qualities that i strive for (so don't feel bad if you aren't mentioned, i don't have a long while).
 cola- caring, crazy. lya- witty, thoughtful. saria- genuine, accepting, fun. alicia- capable, smart. jenna- selfless. adam- determined. daniel- unedited, musical. mother- supportive. becky- light filled. mike- compassionate. 

ah. i should stop. i'm feeling overwhelmed.

it's a good overwhelmed i think. Yes, all these wonderful people are intimidating. But i'm happy they share their lives with me. I'd like to 100% let go of insecurities and just bask in their light. Who gives a (forgive me) damn if it's brighter. hm?
giving me your time, being raw and real with me, teaching and inspiring me, loving me, has enriched my life. 
thank you thank you thank you people who have shared their lives with me.
i'm happy.

 you have prepared me for college and moving out and growing up.

enjoying my own company reminded me of a poem that, in fact, designed my current journey.

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Derek Walcott

this is the second time i have put this poem on my blog.

the way some people say things rocks my world. 

While sitting at the book store cruising through works of art, word art that is,

i stumbling across this poem. It was pivotal, a pivotal moment in my life.

a deep realization.

anyways, I have been rambling on for a while now and i do have homework.

so goodnight.

which faces will become more than just faces

today i sat and observed a campus filled with strangers.

so odd

a goal of mine was to go to days market and not see someone i know. and it never happened.

curiosity pulsed through my system like blood, each face being a heart beat. 

people watching is almost torturous for me.

i'm shy. no lie

but i want every name, every story.

i wonder which ones i'll get. 

out of all these faces who is going to share their story with me, ask for mine. and then have part of our stories intertwine. 

which faces will i see

behind my eyelids

in bed at night.

wisdom teeth.

deflate face, deflate.
i beg of you

hear every word

cola and i went walking all through provo one day.

and to stop to examine the most common of things

was delightful

we were happy to have cameras.

 [click play]
[oh, but stop the music at the bottom of my blog first]
and sing along. if you please.

For the beauty of the earth 
For the beauty of the skies, 
For the love which from our birth 

Over and around us lies. 

Lord of all, to Thee we raise, 

This our hymn of grateful praise. 

For the beauty of each hour, 

Of the day and of the night, 

Hill and vale, and tree and flower, 

Sun and moon, and stars of light. 

Lord of all, to Thee we raise, 

This our hymn of grateful praise. 

For the joy of ear and eye, 

For the heart and mind's delight, 

For the mystic harmony 

Linking sense to sound and sight. 

Lord of all, to Thee we raise, 

This our hymn of grateful praise. 

For the joy of human love, 

Brother, sister, parent, child, 

Friends on earth and friends above, 

For all gentle thoughts and mild. 

Lord of all, to Thee we raise, 

This our hymn of grateful praise. . 

For the martyrs' crown of light, 

For Thy prophets' eagle eye, 

For Thy bold confessors' might, 

For the lips of infancy. 

Lord of all, to Thee we raise, 

This our hymn of grateful praise. 

For each perfect gift of Thine, 

To our race so freely given, 

Graces human and divine, 

Flowers of earth and buds of Heaven. 

Lord of all, to Thee we raise, 

This our hymn of grateful praise.

happy sunday.

chin up. 

breath color.

i breath colors.
in and out
they fill me
then they leave me.
in with white
out with black.
in with blue
out with red
in with yellow
out with gray.

i breath virtues
in with the good           out with the bad
in with hope                  out with despair
in with love                      out with hate
in with the good           out with the bad
 in with faith                 out with fear
in with abundance           out with scarcity
in with the good             out with the bad
in with acceptance          out with intolerance
 in with joy                      out with sadness
in with the good            out with the bad
in with selflessness           out with selfishness
 in with compassion           out with indifference
in with light    out with dark 


combine the colors and the virtues
and
breath colorful light into your life.

[not my photography, just my inspiration]

the heart of yoga is breath
and i'm breathing myself into the new year
breathing myself throughout the whole year
and my breath is what got me through the last year.
and every year.

take time to stop and notice it, the waves of oxygen and carbon dioxide that are your life.

i am in a state of constant refinement.

and with that knowledge i can conclude

i am a better person than last year

and by next year i'll be filled with more light, joy, good, compassion, understanding, all that i'm striving towards.   

thank you 2011, for the opportunity for growth, adventure, joy, sadness, hope, love, every moment. the good and the bad. 

i'm thankful

so very thankful for my life.
thank you god, thank you for
every light filled soul, every angel, every lighthouse in my life. 

my new years resolution-

i'm eating a carrot, and feeling happy about it.

take care of my body, and eat the good food that will bring my mind and body health, longevity and happiness. 

happy life everyone.

don't let the renewal of the new year fade

happy life!

namaste