i know my audience. i know, at least partially, who reads this.. and it just wouldn't seem relevant to tell all of you some of what's happening in my life. although i'd like to.. the consequence of doing so is out of my control, so that's my explanation for the prolonged silence and the partial continuation of silence.
i'll tell you that
summer is my favorite season, even though my car burnt my legs today with the intensity of a curling iron. (exaggeration)

each time i teach yoga or practice yoga i get reaffirmed that yes, this is what i want. not just what i want, need- the absence is uncomfortably noticeable. it's so much more than most realize, after a good session your fingertips tingle, you're refreshed and filled with this vigor and joy- flying high, feeling alive.
because i value it, when i teach it i feel as if i'm sharing a valuable gift.
i'm getting such a rewarding response from my students :)

i'm growing (not in stature :) ), but as a grounded individual. forming, thinking, talking, experiencing.. my vocabulary is getting larger! i have this word obsession. i had the biggest crush on my English teacher last semester, could listen to him talk allll day, not a care concerning his age, stature, or personality.. just a deep admiration for his diction and vocabulary.

i'm quite happy, sincerely. even right now, thinking about my set up- my home, work, this city, the outdoors, my travels, my family and my friends, music, what i'm going to create in this world, i'm flooded with gratitude. i have it damn good :)

the only sadness i can pinpoint having gotten to me lately is noticing this trail of hurt i'm leaving, in certain individuals, that i care about. and i feel helpless to fix it.
it's heart breaking for me. i wanted to help, uplift, be like a lighthouse (hence the blog title and becoming a yoga instructor) but somehow, sometimes, i do the opposite- good intentions turning on me. i don't want to be pretentious, saying i have much leverage to hurt to begin with.. but i still feel rotten, for anyone i couldn't be there for. maybe it's best to disappear instead of linger, even though I've always been a fan of maintaining friendships, i suppose sometimes that has gotten me into trouble.
i feel inadequate some days.

but that's not the note i wanted to leave on

i've been realizing my divinity and potential
dreaming up goals again, delighting in details (i made it out of my post-trip depression quickly)
it seems that mostly, my life has this plethora of all things good.

oh heavens, i'm such a rambler.
maybe at some point i'll post another piece of polished writing :)
if i follow your blog, please know that i read nearly every post and learn so much through you. i love blogging, this network of shared thoughts, experiences, music, and art. thank you everybody :)