i'm leavin

 on a jet plane don't know when i'll be back again

june 15 i'm flying to British Columbia

to stay with my becky justin and julia.

i'll be gone a bit over a month :) 

i did cola's senior pictures

cola has the prettiest green eyes. the shoot was lovely.

(i'm working on more)

and i got an offer to do a wedding :O

i don't feel like i have much to say.

i've been quiet lately. 

the senior party was fun

note- colas face on the last strip 2nd down =)

i ♥ real friends. the good consistent kind, that stick with you, even when you don't have much to say. 

& i ♥ the kind of friend groups that last from freshman year to senior party's and graduation. 

Graduate   

=]

i hate waiting. 

If you love something, set it free. if it comes back to you, it's yours to keep

and if not

well shit. 

things are tricky right now

sleeping is what i like to do lately.

yesterday i fell asleep on the back lawn from 2 till around 7.
i like sunshine on my eyelids.

i need to:
choose happy
be a big O
focus on school
focus on others
be the person i want to be
be nice

"if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all"
-a smart rabbit.

Happy

To Be
or
Not to be

lately I've been choosing not.

what a silly decision.

a series of unfortunate events have unfolded.
but i need to get out of the slump.

the happy checklist

clean my room
shower often

go to yoga often

get out and explore the world (with a camera) 

stop being antisocial 

finish my photo project
shoot 2 film rolls
do something nice for someone
be honest
go to bed on time


it's funny how the things your mom always told you to do actually do make you happy.
speaking of mom
she's a wonderful woman.
happy mothers day (last sunday) and birthday (tomorrow) :)

i wonder how many hours those feet have stood by that kitchen counter for me

alone.
2 clues are how the wood floor is wearing out around the counter
and how the linolium counter top is worn completely through in places.

thanks mom, for giving me your loving acts of service throughout my entire life.

i love you 

time

today i made some calculations.

this is what will happen in the next 72 hours

starting at midnight last night

i will get approximately 24 hours of sleep

work for 11 hours 

spend 13 hours at school

do yoga for 6 hours

and work on homework for 3 hours

what should i do with the other 15? 

Vulnerable

being honest with your self and others is important.
being honest with your feelings, and feeling what you feel is important.

i have the habit of writing down thoughts in text message format and saving them into drafts on my phone.
here are some from lately

-Have you ever noticed that book covers never do the book justice? that's why i decided to make friends with the ugly guy at the library today.

-i wish i knew if i were thinking reasonably or not

-Wait out the storm. Choose happy. find hope. cope. and feast on your own life.

Jenna showed me a song and a singer who is wonderful. Brandon Heath.
this song wasn't on playlist so i can't add it but i'll share the lyrics. 

Love never Fails
Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most

Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside

Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you

Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time

Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don't

Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you

When my heart won't make a sound
When I can't turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this

Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life

Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you

rant

good news, my title box reappeared.
i can have titles again :)

um so i'm ticked.
because of a teacher.
and i think i'm going to march right back in there and let her know what i think.
i'm a good student and i try my best in this womans class.
i have good attendance
not excessive at all.
and we did an assignment one day that i was absent.
i went in there today to work with her on making it up
during my lunch time
and she flat up refused.
"it was hard enough to explain to a whole class and i am not going to do that for just one student."
excuse me?
isn't that your job?
do you have better things to do?
this is my grade and future we're  talking about, and i'm only asking for 15 minutes of your lunch
it's not like i'm a slow learner when it comes to drawing pictures anyhow. I JUST NEED YOU TO EXPLAIN THE ASSIGNMENT. 
i was polite
and willing to work with her
most kids just make their parents go deal with their problems. 
i think as a teacher she deserves respect, and as a student i think i deserve respect.
and i think as people we should give it to each other.
some teachers make it easy for you to be responsible hard workers, and they're approachable.
and some treat you like criminals.
or life stock.
there needs to be more mr. larsons, mama woods, and bills (metal shop teacher) in this world.
i can't wait to graduate!
i don't know how i've dealt with stupid govenment paid lazy teachers this long.
i guess i'll have to get someone other than the art teacher to explain the assignment to me and turn it in (hopefully) for credit.

Brand New Shoes - She & Him

this song came on while i was sitting in borders reading a book

i ran up to the front and asked them what it was

most favorite song and most favorite album :)

hope you like

i guess one could say i have a girl crush on zooey deschanel


which sprouted from my love of the movie 500 days of summer


which led to a dresses, bangs, and cute hair clips fetish. 
and a change in taste of music and overall style.
particularly photography style


this is my pretty cousin kara

i LOVE julia joy.
cola and i just spent lunch watching videos on beckys blog
and laughing so hard that the snippy mean teacher that i DIS-like very much told us to be quite (quite rudely)

i have a choir concert tonight
it will be my very last one with timpviews acapella
bittersweet.

i wish i'd get asked to the senior ball :/
so does cola.
hey guys.. ask cola ? :D
and cola say: sarah should be asked to so they can go together. :D

oh the joy of high school.
when else in our lives will we get to focus on over-dramatized petty things and be completely self centered.
:)
it's where we are.
although i like to think i lead a fairly drama-free life

i look like alice in wonderland today.
cola and lya told me so.
i'm in my new blue dress and white tights.
so i'll take a picture
i like alice in wonderland
but the new one was gay
it made too much sense.
i felt like i was watching narnia.

i need good ideas on where to take colas senior pictures.
anybody have any good ideas?

sometimes i wish i was better at making new friends and keeping old friends.
i'm shy.

I Am a Camera

I am a Camera

Small and compact

Nothing too fancy

I want to capture the world through my lens

See everything there is to see

And show it to others as well

Seize the beauty

Hold the moments

Find the moments worth catching

Set the scene for eyes to wander over

The portal for Retrospection

The key to the past

A camera is held, treated with care

Never absent

Time after time, I will always be there.

back before phototgraphy was even on the radar at all i wrote this poem for english comparing myself to an object of my choice. sophomore year-ish. weird ya?

going back through pictures tonight

i found some that helped me see happy-making things

i love

best friends

good friends are rare.

and with everybody changing so much and so often

it's even more rare to keep one.

and i'm so happy I've been able to.

perfect eggs.

shiny new things

rusty old things

broken mirrors

Brother T

Australians

and accents

my Dad

reflections

Backpacking

i love the feeling of climbing into clean sheets with smooth just-shaved-legs

goodnight

i had a good first "mike and sarah" day.

it was yesterday

if you don't know what a mike and sarah day is it's-
on the 4th of may (my lucky number)
right in the middle of our birthdays
and in the general area of when him and me were becoming an us.

clearly may 4th is a day to be celebrated.

we hiked canyons, raced with the sun, made cheese crackers, played badminton (doesn't work well in the wind by the way) ate zupas, played a lot of apples to apples and watched a movie.

i think it's sweet how paranoid he gets about me slipping or falling when we hike.

Photography is fun. I wish i were better at it though.

i feel incompetent sometimes.

But.

i have a little something to brag about.

i submitted 5 pictures to the student art show.

and they were in 3 different categories

but I got a first place ribbon, second place ribbon, and honorable mention ribbon.

i like ribbons.

:) it was satisfying.

and i finished seminary make up.

praise

the

lord.

for that was getting old.

and i finished my BYU class.

thank heavens.

(that teacher was very obnoxious)

everyone agrees.

and i got an A on the final.

which was like a HaHa moment in his stupid face.

stupid tricky instructor.

and i'm still going strong on the yoga challenge.

and i ditched classes today.

two of them, so that i could wrap up in a blanket and sit on the heater.

and i shaved today

for the first time in a long time.

it was getting... well. hairy.

and after i shaved i felt like buying dresses.

so i went and bought two

which were both on sale.

and i got particularly excited to wear my yellow summer one tomorrow

but then my pops told me it will snow. (apparently he KNOWS these kind of things)

and i'm going to pray it doesn't snow tomorrow.

i'm really done with this whole snow thing.

and it's midnight.

i'm definitely screwing over my tomorrow by not getting sleep tonight.

why do we consistently do the same stupid thing.. whilst knowing about the same stupid consequence?

we must be idiots.

i know i'm not the only one who does it.

here are pictures from yesterday

i'm too lazy to edit them

but it was a pretty day

at first this picture drove me crazy.. cause its crooked. and it's just one of those scenes that really ought to be symmetrical, balanced, and aligned right. but it's not. looking at it is like an itch i can't scratch.

i could fix it if i took the time. but for some reason i don't want to.

i love this house.

and i love the living room in that house.

and i love the view off the back deck.

i promised myself i'd start my homework in approximately eight minutes.

so i'll type fast.

i want to let it be known that these last few days have been magical and filled with love.

my work shift was great tonight

i was the crazy girl singing loudly while making sandwiches.

and yesterday mikes brother got married.

it was a magically happy day.

and i love my family.

and all those important dates coming up

well

i'm excited for them.

the weather was finally good today

coldest spring ever ya?

seminary make up finished today

and i've been happy with myself

usually i'm a downer when it comes to me

sarah you're too fat

you're too dumb

you're too ugly

you're too this

you're too that.

but these last few days i love me

and that's been partially why everything seems more magical

i'm happy in this skin i'm in!

(wow)

(like really.. that's a wow to hear me [sarah] thinking that in my very own head)

only two minutes left.. ah!

uh..

moments i don't want to forget-

-the glowy smiling happy moment when we were all gathered in mikes living room as his brother and new sister-in-law took their wedding vows.

love is magical

-dog piling with a bunch of cute nieces and nephews on a tramp

-playing crack the egg, duck duck goose, and dead man

- one of those picture perfect moments where your heart sighs.

mike and i on his bench swing with the sun coming down over the lake. his backyard is lovely. Big, purple, lilac bushes (my very most favorite flower) and their light scent tainting everything.

he held my hand and i put my head on his shoulder and we talked about life and such.

it was cliche yes. but still wonderful.

-falling asleep at nine last night and sleeping till 8 =) mhmmm.

-i haven't worn matching socks in at least a month

-i think when you do a certain amount of yoga consistently.. you're just in this high happy endorphin state of mind

-hearing danny's song on the radio today and singing very loudly. i decided i very much love that song. then coming home and adding it to my blog playlist :)

i think whats been making the difference in making my life more enjoyable and "magical" lately is first, being the person i like to be. and second, noticing and enjoying the little things.

like lilacs and old songs.

i went way over my time limit

but one last thing.

i love reading my friend tiana's blog

and i was browsing a blog that was on her blog called http://lovenovelty.blogspot.com/

and this following post was on there and i thought i'd pass it on cause i loved it very much.

even though it's sad

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the
chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't
talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what
had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory
answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just
pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I
had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of
me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a
kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going
crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we
both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy
in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to
the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in
my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about
the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the
office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry
her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I
held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not
want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have
a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on
our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my
wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I
run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot
give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend
and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a
real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they
were to success when they gave up.

By: Joey Gabinete Acebron

p.s. picture at top is Not mine. (i wish it were) i didn't have my camera on me, gay right?

i got it off http://wishkoski.com/2007/05/lilac-blooms/ this photo blog (with many stunner pictures)

i've worked: 23 hours this week

money earned thus far in my working career: $533

how much saved: the majority. :D

the shift after the paycheck.. is always the funnest. you remember why you're there.

seminary absences made up: 18.

how many left: 2.

seminary make up due: 3 days.

yoga challenge ends: 14 days.

mine and mikes "day": 3 days.

byu class due: 6 days.

lessons left: 5 and a final.

seminary graduation: 15 days.

last choir concert: 5 days.

graduating: 26 days.

turning 18: 11 days.

and you may ask, why am i blogging?

i don't know.

here we go homework.

i'm doing

this

so far:

3 6 a.m. sessions

1 primary series

and a Saturday morning session.

what's left: 10 more sessions.

i couldn't walk up the stairs by friday :)

legs hurt

and i'm sleep deprived.

i don't know what i'm doing :/

but i do know.. i'm ripped. haha.

and that i'll be very proud when i'm done.

so wish me luck.